love note no. 11
Almost 100% of my single clients tell me that they hate online dating.
The reason they hate it mostly comes down to one thing- they don't trust the men online.
What if his pictures are old?
What if he is lying about his job?
What if he is psycho?
What if he is boring?
There are a million reasons why you can't trust men online.
And yet none are good enough reasons to give up on it.
Because you don't need to trust him to date him.
You only need to trust yourself.
Trust yourself to figure out whether he is who he says he is. Trust yourself to walk away if he isn't. You don't need to worry about trusting him if you trust yourself.
So go ahead- date him, even though you don't trust him.
love note no. 10
It's not your job to like me, it's mine.
This quote from the amazing Byron Katie is the best dating advice ever.
The fear of not being liked is why so many people hate dating. And why so many avoid it altogether.
I know I postponed or cancelled first dates too many times because the idea of meeting a new guy, being judged, and risking not being liked was just too much. It didn't seem worth it. So much easier and safer to stay home.
But when I made this my dating mantra, everything changed. In an instant, the drama and pressure of dating literally disappeared. Everything got lighter and lot more fun.
love note no.9
"You are not the drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop." - Rumi
I will never forget the flash of clarity I felt the first time I read these words.
In any moment, you can feel like a drop or an ocean.
It's a blueprint for how to deal when stuff gets insanely hard in relationships.
When you can't handle the situation, the information or the emotion.
Close you eyes. loosen your grip. on your muscles. on your mind. on reality.
And get bigger
Give the hurt, the heartbreak, the fear more space.
The part of you that is as vast and expanded as an ocean is where the power is.
And the peace.
love no. 8
Clients come to me when they can't decide whether to stay or go.
I always think we will spend most of the time searching for that answer.
But the thing is, they always know.
They just wish they didn't.
They spend a lot of energy trying to go backwards, trying not to know.
But you can't unknow something.
You can fight it. You can reframe it. You can ignore it. But you can't unknow it.
The good news is that your truth won't abandon you, it will wait until you are ready.
It will stay until you let it lead you.
love note no. 7
Sometimes it seems that our relationships give us anything but peace.
Peace often feels like an impossibility.
Yet it is always right there.
This Poem by Dorothy Hunt explains how.
Do you think peace requires an end to war?
Or tigers eating only vegetables?
Does peace require an absence from
your boss, your spouse, yourself? …
Do you think peace will come some other place than here?
Some other time than Now?
In some other heart than yours?
Peace is this moment without judgment.
That is all. This moment in the Heart-space
where everything that is is welcome.
Peace is this moment without thinking
that it should be some other way,
that you should feel some other thing,
that your life should unfold according to your plans.
Peace is this moment without judgment,
this moment in the heart-space where
everything that is is welcome.
love note no. 6
You get to have an amazing love story.
But you don't get to write it.
Trying to fit a real relationship into the narrative in your head never works.
Don't write your love story. Live it.
Live it by staying unwaveringly devoted to your own truth.
Live it by staying in creative response to whatever presents itself.
Live it by being the love you seek.
The love story you live will be wildly more magical than the one you would have written.
love note no. 5
They say that timing is everything.
Time is almost always a reason my clients stay in relationships they would rather leave.
"I have put in too much time to leave now"
"I don't have time to start over and find someone new"
When it comes to love, there are a million imaginary deadlines.
But when timing becomes the most important thing, it's too easy to settle
for something less than love.
You can make time the enemy of love.
Or you can trust that when it comes to love, the timing is always divine.
love note no. 4
You are not broken.
(let that sink in)
I have spent countless hours and dollars trying to fix myself.
As if something was wrong.
That feeling of broken had somehow become part of my inner landscape.
But the truth is-- I am not broken. I never was.
And neither are you.
You can't fix yourself into the relationship and life you want.
(trust me, I tried)
Loving yourself is the only way there.
And that starts with honoring the truth that you are not broken.
love note no. 3
One of the best insights I learned from Martha Beck is this:
Truth and Love are the same thing.
This simple notion has become my anchor. When my relationships get out of sorts, I remember this one thing. And then I always know how to find my way back.
It never fails.
So when you want to move closer to love, tell the truth.
And start with yourself.
Because telling the truth is the most loving thing you can ever do.
Truth and Love are the same thing.
Love Note no.2
Don't go on a date to fall in love.
Fall in love before the date.
Connect to your own radiance.
Lock into your beauty + your brilliance and fall in love with yourself and your life in this moment.
Listen for the whisper from the part of you that knows life is supposed to be fun.
Then go on the date. And have a blast.